(Remember that scene in the Christmas Story, when Ralphie opens the present from his Aunt Clara and it’s the pink bunny suit? His mom makes him try it on and he comes down the stairs, looking miserable and horrified that he has donned this obviously girly set of pajamas? That was pretty hilarious, right?
Okay, keep that in mind and hit the jump as I set a new stage for a horribly similar scene.)
Come with me, if you will, to North Freeport. Odious, the proud Barbarian Bruiser extraordinaire has been toiling away for a certain Iksar named Vassi, collecting diverse forms of detritus to supply him. In return, he’s providing Odious with a new set of armor (Tier 2 armor, he assumes, based on the level 20 requirements). It’s the usual shopping list of items — a few owlbear talons, some blood shriller skins, you know. In return, he has a beautiful set of armor specifically for a Bruiser, crafted to their exact specifications. He’s been giving it to Odious piece-meal, however, something that doesn’t sit well with the Bruiser. But what can he do? He dutifully collects what he’s asked for and returns to Vassi laden with his conquests. In return, Vassi gives him another portion of the “Dreadnaught” ensemble, improving his survivability for the next task.
With one task to go, Odious dons all his armor thus far to check out how it looks. Quite bruising, if he does say so himself:
Very manly. Lesser men would wet themselves at the sight of this hulking manimal. He brings twenty-two different kinds of pain and you can tell that just by looking at him. Roooooooaaaawwwaaarrrr!
So he sets off on the final quest to complete his ensemble. He finishes up by taking down Narek Bonecarver, no small feat, and returns to Vassi to collect the spoils. “What’s this?” He examines the final piece, something Vassi calls the “Gi of the Dreadnaught.” “Looks rather odd, but I’ll give it a whirl,” he thinks. He puts it on and … “what the? Is this some kind of joke, Vassi?!”:
“Who designed this? A retarded NWWE (Norrath-wide Wrestling Entertainment) fan? Do you have any idea who I am? What I am capable of? With two twists I can snap you in six pieces! There’s no way I’m letting my friends see me in this, never mind the other Barbarians. I’ll be laughed into oblivion! Did you see my human buddy, Deathsdoor the Inquisitor? With his fully completed armor set? The plate mail guy? He looks totally hard core! His armor looks like it’s actually protecting something! I look like the Carnival strong-man reject. And it’s white! Why not make it hot pink and complete my emasculation? I cannot believe this. It’s way better than my other armor, so no way I’m going back to that, but this is downright embarrassing. I have to suffer like this for another ten levels?”
“Aaagggh! Erollisi, kill me now.“